


A Mistake

by Nenagh24 (EverFascinated)



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Drabble, F/M, Gen, Introspection, Set in Season 1, Spoilers for Project Alpha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 14:14:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17184518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EverFascinated/pseuds/Nenagh24
Summary: This was a mistake.The thought was running on an endless loop in the back of her head (was that her or was ithim?), but Tex had become very good at ignoring things she didn’t want in her head.Even herself.Especially herself.





	A Mistake

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Might I request/suggest something sad, like very emotional gut punchy? (go-dawgs)

_This was a mistake._

The thought was running on an endless loop in the back of her head (was that her or was it _him_?), but Tex had become very good at ignoring things she didn’t want in her head.

Even herself. ~~Especially herself.~~

She kept her eyes focused on the trooper she was ~~using~~ training with even as she listened to the teal one give her the run down on what happened. When a third round grazed the stupid one’s helmet she admitted that the near misses weren’t quite as unintentional as they could have been.

_**He killed him!** _

She fished out a grenade and pulled the pin without thinking before she ruthlessly squashed the rage down. Lobbing the explosive safely over the terrified trooper’s head, Tex wished she could take some deep breaths as the enraged scream echoing in her helmet was finally drowned out by the explosion and her own thoughts.

_This was a mistake._

A bigger mistake than command could have known, a bigger mistake than their undercover agent dying.

They sent him here to be protected, to stay under the radar, so that no one could ever find him. So that _they_ could never find him.

He never was very good at finding himself.

She felt a flicker of static along her sensors. It almost matched the tell-tale flutter in her stomach, the one that would have her fighting down a smile before she’d turn to find him standing there. Back when she had a stomach.

_This was a mistake._

He wasn’t destroyed, he was free. Free of the shell that had imprisoned him. Free of the hard coded loops that would keep him from puzzling out the truth. Free to - 

She cut off that train of thought. Her mind wasn’t her own ~~was never her own she wasn’t even herself shewasneverherself she’sjustashadow ashadowofwhathe’drememberedofher~~ and she couldn’t allow her companion to piggyback her deductive reasoning. 

The not so little ball of rage couldn’t always make the same leaps of logic without her help. Sometimes it even forgot what they were. 

Sometimes, she did too.

The holographic trooper in white armor seemed to flicker in the corner of her eye, the memory of what she’d seen as she approached the base.

Tex wished this was one of those times.

She wished he’d remember too. (She wished that this had never happened. She wished the real her had made it home to stop this from happening. ~~Was it suicidal to wish that the current version of you’d never existed?~~ )

_This was a mistake._

She needed to finish this and get out of here. It was just a check in gone too far, an unnecessary one. He was fine, better than fine, he would be even better without them there. (If she puts her heart into this, it will fail. That’s how he remembered her.)

Just finish what they needed, wipe out the ones that would bother them, then she could leave. Tex pushed down the simulated feelings, the ones that made her chest feel tight, that her lungs couldn’t get enough air. ~~This armor wasn’t empty, but there was no body here.~~

A voice called out to her as she turned to leave.

“Where are you going?”

She paused, before turning to answer.

_a mistake_

“Red Base.”

_This was_

“Kill everybody.”

_a_

“Get the flag back.”

_**Mistake** _

(Somehow, she’d forgotten that getting involved with him meant her heart was always in it. Her heart was free in this valley and any plans she made to leave were doomed to failure.)

That was her mistake.


End file.
